Today I was asked a question. This question while simple evoked such emotion that I had to sit down. How can I help our military families? A National Guard wife that has not experienced a deployment or the same routine that many military spouses face asked me what she could do to help our military families. It made me happy to hear her say she wanted to help but it didn’t surprise me. Most people affiliated with the military have a greater knowledge of the struggles we face and always want to help. I am a marine wife and I am always looking for ways to help our men and women in uniform. My heart swells with pride when I take the time to think of all the sacrifices our military makes for us daily. Even those who aren’t deployed face so many challenges but they take it in stride. They give up many freedoms and liberties in their own lives to be there for us whenever we may call upon them. I have been blessed enough to be surrounded by these amazing people and here are a few of my own experiences of generosity from every side of the equation.
My husband deployed to Iraq when our son was only 8 months old. For me the day to day was bearable because of the wonderful neighbors I had. We lived on base and most of my neighbors had husbands deployed as well. It was a great bonding experience for us all. The hardest part for me was that my husband was going to miss our son’s firsts. My husband missed crawling, walking, Halloween, Christmas, first birthday and many more. At the time it seemed like such a big deal, looking back now though it really wasn’t. However, my memory of that Christmas is wonderful thanks to a VFW from NC that went out of their way to do something special and ultimately memorable for my family. Here is the letter I received that still brings tears to my eyes simply because someone who didn’t know me went out of their way to think about me at an especially difficult time in my life.
“Mrs. Carrie M********,
We are comrades and personal friends of Marine Captain S*** L****, Officer-In-Charge of the unit in which your loved one serves. The Captain has invited our VFW post 8466 to help the families of the Military Personnel under his command celebrate Christmas in their absence.
Captain L****’s friends, members of our Wake Forest, North Carolina Post, thought long and hard on how to do what he requests. As we can’t know the circumstances of any given family, we have enclosed a modest material gift to help with Christmas, along with a promise: If you or your family have a specific need at any time during your loved-one’s deployment, please, let us know, and we will put maximum effort behind ensuring you receive what is identified.
As Veteran’s of Foreign Wars, we know what you must be going through during the holiday season, and in the absence of your deployed family member. Please, accept our gift, our promise, and our prayers for the safety of your family.
Claude Snyder, Commander
Wake Forest VFW Post 8466”
Enclosed in the envelope had been a $50 check from Mr. Snyder’s personal bank account. It was just a wonderful reminder that I wasn’t alone, that someone out there knew my struggles and wanted to let me know they were there for me if I needed anything. Four years later I still think of Mr. Snyder and the Wake Forest VFW and how much of a difference they made for me in that deployment by just reaching out.
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My friend Tasha lost her husband Sergeant Mickel Garrigus on January 27, 2007. I can never imagine what her loss is like or how it will affect her for the rest of her life but I do like to let her know that I am thinking of her. On January 27 every year I let her know I am thinking about the sacrifice Mickel made. I let her know I haven’t forgotten and that I will share his story with my children.
The year after Mickel passed away I was at a craft fair in North Carolina. A local photographer was selling beautiful handmade cards. Flipping through them I found a breathtaking picture of Arlington National Cemetery, covered in snow, wreaths laid at every headstone. It made me think of Tasha, her husband Mickel is buried in section 60. I bought the card. I held onto the card for a few months unsure of when to send it but knowing who it was meant for. In the spring I began to think of Mothers Day. A day I knew my husband and son would take me to my favorite restaurant, where we went every mother’s day. At that moment I knew when to send the card. I knew that Tasha’s husband wasn’t there to plan a trip to her favorite restaurant and that her son was too young to know it was mother’s day. I wrote a short note in the card saying I was thinking of her and that I knew mother’s day must be especially hard for her. All I wanted is for her to not feel alone on a day that should be special for any mom. I enclosed a small gift card and told her to buy something just for her, just because. It wasn’t much but I knew it made a difference when I got a tearful phone call from her on Mother’s Day. The smallest gestures mean the most.
A simple card with a heartfelt message made a difference to someone that day just as it had for me on a lonely Christmas. Just knowing someone is thinking of you can make all the difference. Money doesn’t need to be donated, though the generosity is appreciated when it is given. A card though, a card with a ‘thank you for all you do’ or ‘you’re not alone’ is all it takes.
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Coffee is a vice of mine and I make routine trips to the Starbucks drive thru. Our car has base stickers on the front windshield. At times people ahead of me have noticed these in their rearview mirror and paid for my drink. These simple small acts of kindness bring tears to my eyes each and every time. It may be ironic or it may be Gods plan that these things happen at times when I seem to need it the most. A reassurance that people want to help, that people care, and that our sacrifices are not unnoticed. The times that have affected me the most and made me proud of my fellow Americans are when people do things for my husband and other military members.
My husband and sixteen other people from his Battalion were on a motorcycle ride early this year, they do safety rides together ever month. This particular one took them up the coast about an hour from where we live. They stopped at a Ruby’s diner for lunch. I can’t imagine how funny they must have looked in the ritzy town they stopped in, seventeen marines on motorcycles, picturing it makes me smile. When they were ready to pay and leave they were informed that someone had picked up there tab. A tab for seventeen men, even at a Ruby’s diner couldn’t have been cheap. An elderly lady had overheard that they were Marines and paid for their meals. They thanked her then took down her address to mail her a thank you as well. Things like this lift the spirits of our men and women in uniform.
If you buy a four dollar cup of coffee for a military spouse one time you make a difference. I have never forgotten any act of kindness shown to me and I know that is how most of us military spouses are. We never expect anything from anyone, we can make it on our own, and of course we will rarely ask for help, if ever. However, the little things that people do randomly not because they know who we are but just because they know we are in the military or are married to it make all the difference.
Buying meals, a coffee, or even sending cards aren’t the only way to show your appreciation for the military though. A great way to give back is to volunteer through organizations like the USO, Operation Homefront, or even the Wounded Warrior Project. There are so many ways to give back in any community all it takes is a little research and the desire to ask ‘how can I help our military families?’
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